Ice World, Part One...

Position: Underneath the Electric Jet, KJFK (Kennedy)...

Outside Air Temperature: None

Windspeed and direction: 290 degrees at 28 gusting to 42 knots

Precip: Blowing snow

I am underneath Fi-Fi's belly with flashlight in right hand; left hand in pocket of leather flying jacket. It is surrealistic out here tonight. It reminds me of a movie scene in Alien, where Dallas, Kane, and Lambert descended the Nostromo's crew elevator down to the surface of LV-426. Back to planet Earth, it is unbelievably cold, with howling winds from the northwest. My face is burning, soon to be numb. The snow is stinging my eyes as I try to keep them open, following my flashlight beam, searching for the hydraulic leak, missing piece of aluminum, or shredded tire. Whatever is wrong, if there is anything wrong, this would be the time to overlook it... Got to be careful, even if it freezes my face. Oh well, the pain will go away in a few more seconds.

The co-pilot is about half sick with a developing cold that he caught from one of his children. I am afraid he will really get sick if he has to deal with these temperatures, so he is loading the flight plan inside the warm flightdeck. The warm flightdeck... Only a few minutes away...

Honey, you better take your long underwear.

Nah, I am not going anywhere that cold. I'll be alright.

Do you want your gloves and shawl?

Nope, I won't need them.

What an idiot! During this time of the year, winter extras should be part of any pilot's standard combat load, but we tend to lighten our bags, especially as we pass into geezerdom.

The ramp, covered with old de-icing fluid and slush, is treacherous under my feet. One wrong move and it could be broken bones. Fi-Fi's deep, thunderous roar from the pressurization packs, brake fans and auxiliary power unit is comforting to me in more ways than one. Hobbling toward the left wing root area, I move into an area of sonic vibration (the kind that you can feel in your chest) and a little bit of heat from the brake fans. The roar is muffled through my ear plugs, but the sensation of an electro-mechanical life form is very strong. The heat feels wonderful. Do not think about the wife of my youth underneath the electric blanket! Stay focused... The fueler is standing underneath the fueling panel looking at the digital numbers increase as he pumps kerosene into Fi-Fi's arteries. I would like to go over there and talk to him about the fuel load, but it is useless. Too much cold, wind and noise.

Toward her tail section and facing the snowy winds, I can see the expected streaks of oil, hydraulic fluid, and blue juice. She needs a bath! My flashlight beam looks like it is full of fast moving white gnats. Through the cabin windows, I can see passengers stowing their bags in the overheads. We will have a full load tonight; passengers, bags, Christmas presents, and fuel.

A few lucky rampers are in the belly stacking bags; the unlucky ones are outside throwing bags onto the conveyor belts. They look like snowmen with safety vests. Their exhaled breath plumes are immediately whipped away with the wind.

A few minutes later, I am back in the jetway out of the wind. The passengers are shuffling toward the forward cabin door trying to hide extra bags from the flight attendants. Silly passengers... They don't have a chance hiding things from these senior sky babes. After a few happy holidays exchanged with passengers, I am back in the cockpit. My face and hands are starting to tingle in the warmth. The co-pilot looks at me and asks, "Is it cold out there?"

In my best imitation of Ash (Alien fans will understand), "Deep cold, well below the line."

The co-pilot: "What?"

Me: "Nevermind."

The email alert light is flashing... It is my dispatcher. The mini-printer spits out a message. I know what is coming. The snow is not in the forecast, so now we have fuel problems. It is always fuel...