The Quiet Time

Position: At the gate; KLAX
Pax-on-board: 0
Equipment: A320

The quiet time before boarding pax...

This is an opportunity to look over the bird. The aircraft cleaners have been here and gone; the flight attendants are en route from another hotel; not yet arrived.

The co-pilot, young and single, is in the terminal trying to get traction with a young and single gate agent and will be until minimum required report time. He burns the candle at both ends, but, admittedly, it is interesting watching him work the young ladies. All things considered, he is a good kid. I've got no complaints.

Earlier, I did a mini pre-flight looking for landing gear safety pins, torn tire tread, and new dents in the fuselage. She looks good for her age. Most of her skin imperfections are pilot caused (a few of mine are here), i.e., hard landings, mostly appearing on her belly. A new airliner will have absolutely smooth skin on the belly; an older one... Not so smooth.

I learned in this very aircraft, and a few of her sisters, how to fly 320s. It was in the days before 319s and 321s came on the scene. I have dropped this old girl on the runway (hard) more than once. So, before I climbed the jetway stairs, I rubbed her belly a little bit and told her once again that I was sorry for mistreating her. She has small engines and first gen nav hardware, but there is something about her... Sort of like walking up to a good, old horse that is looking for that slice of apple behind your back.

On the instrument panel, she has a label that says, "NON-GPS." This causes a lot of whining amongst the younger generation of pilots. Some of these older 320s cannot be economically upgraded with GPS, and, no, you cannot bring your GPS from home, although some of us, ahem..., used to do that until the airline found out and put the word out to knock it off, and that would be immediately.

Allegedly, 737-100 steam jet crews, instead of asking for a radar vector, would ask (for example) Albuquerque Center controllers for a heading of, say, 087 degrees until receiving Kansas City VOR. Of course ATC knew what was going on, but remained silent.

I only know this because one of the bad elements in my circle of old, grumpy captains told me he used to do that very thing. That guy is nothing but trouble and we should think about kicking him out of our silver-haired syndicate. I'll bring it up at the next meeting.

Back in the aircraft, the flight attendants have arrived and are stowing their bags. The lead flight attendant is young and good looking. I chuckle to myself because the co-pilot will be further delayed when he sees her... I might as well start loading the nav computers.

As forecast, the co-pilot arrives at minimum report time, but instead of turning left into the flight deck, stops at the forward galley. He and the young flight attendant are just beginning to flirt, when the senior Sky Babe from the rear galley comes up and shoos him away with, "Hey, she is busy. You need to get up there," pointing at the flight deck door.

I almost spit Starbucks coffee on the instrument panel.

The co-pilot comes into the cockpit with a red face and tail tucked low. I cannot tell if he is angry or just embarrassed.

Feeling sorry for him, I say, "Look, one hundred fifty pax are boarding in five minutes. They are busy back there... You can talk to that girl later. Have you pre-flighted yet?"

"No."

"Now might be a good time."

Life on the Line continues...