
Position: Racing for the worm hole west of KEWR (Newark)
Altitude: 12,000 feet
Indicated Airspeed: 280 kts (320 mph)
Equipment: A320
Pax-on-Board: 150
It is the summer of electric dreams, except these dreams are very real. It has been a number of years since I have flown through a summer of this much convective activity. Thor has been and is still swinging his mighty hammer with abandon.
The departure controller stopped our climb at 12,000 feet while traffic clears overhead. We are flying a compass heading of 270 (west). The co-pilot is flying this leg. He is a 32 year old hot-shot, never married, very intelligent, and has above average airmanship skills. I have flown with him many times and have never seen him do anything out of the ordinary; that parameter covers a lot of airspace.
Tonight, we experienced a small navigation anomaly of the co-pilot's making. Luckily, we reacted quickly, so no harm/no foul. He is pretty much mortified and has apologized twice... Ahem, also using a term that Clint Eastwood made famous in a movie about a Marine gunny... Uh, we will leave it at that.
I told him that everything is cool, no problem and don't worry about it. We can talk later... At the moment we are in a high workload area.
Fifteen minutes earlier...
Both engines are turning and burning, last checklist is still waiting; we are number three for departure. The sky is electrically charged with spiderweb lightning above and in all quadrants, heavier bolts striking the ground south of the airport. Every few seconds I reach overhead and turn my wiper on for one swipe, a nervous habit more than anything else. The mad-dog 88 ahead of us is checking flight controls, rudder moving right, then left.
The co-pilot is worried about one of the flight attendants in the back. She is single, very attractive, young, and friendly. In fact, she has the right seat wrapped around the proverbial axle.
I am worried about this aluminum female and all souls behind the flight deck door. She is, also, very attractive, young (in airplane years), and friendly (if you know what you are doing). The co-pilot is rambling on about maneuvering plans concerning the flight attendant. The words are not registering... I am counting minutes until we are fuel critical.
We are now number two for the runway. Pilots are known to have compartmentalized brains, i.e., very good at multi-tasking. For example, I have moved the engine failure procedure to a frontal brain bucket and placed it beside the normal procedure bucket. This is the perfect time for that evil demon of engine failures to appear. The night is dark, wet, electric, and one pilot's mind is in the aft galley... Favorable conditions for molten engine shrapnel.
Next for take-off; pre-departure checklist finished, flight attendants warned. As I have done since I had lots of hair, none of it grey, I mentally re-check FLAPS, TRIM, FUEL. We are good to go as I roll Fi-Fi onto the centerline, all wing, fuselage, and nosegear lights ON. The radar is turned ON and the antenna elevated to look ten miles ahead and eight degrees above the horizon. It is not one of the new whiz-bang-multi-scan units, but still a good radar.
I straighten the nosewheel before handing the aircraft over to the co-pilot. In a few seconds we are moving toward the far end of the runway with extreme vigor.
Here is the drill: After take-off on this particular runway, you are expected to turn right to a heading of 060 degrees (northeasterly), fly four miles as counted by DME (distance measuring equipment; it senses distance from a selected radio transmitter), then turn left to a heading of 290 degrees (northwesterly). Flying this procedure in Fi-Fi is very straight forward. Before take-off, the nav computers build virtual waypoints with which the flight director bars will lead the pilot.
At 1,000 feet, with both engines still turning, I start to relax a bit... Until the co-pilot asks (sheepishly), "Are we suppose to fly runway heading?"
Oops! Something has happened to the nav data, i.e., it has disappeared from the computer nav display. Fi-Fi is on an unannounced tour of New Jersey. The co-pilot is wondering why the flight director bars are commanding runway ground track.
This very thing happens with alarming regularity in contemporary airliners as the interface between pilot and machine becomes more complicated. But that is for another post...
Speed of reaction is critical in these situations and it had better be the correct reaction. There is no time for looking at the charts and trying to figure out what the heck is going on... The captain can take over the controls (probably not a good idea, as it has been pretty much proven that captains have the most crashes; another post for the future), or assist the co-pilot in getting out of the mess. I usually choose the latter; actually I cannot remember ever taking the aircraft from a co-pilot. If they are newbies in the Electric Jet, I might say something like, "Can I show you something?"
On the flip side, it is time for a little bit of micro-management. The co-pilot is unsure of what is happening to the point of causing the ailerons to twitch via nervous input from his joystick.
"OK, turn auto-pilot two ON and fly a heading of zero six zero... Now."
Fi-Fi is accelerating rapidly and approaching flaps/slats up speed but the co-pilot is still caught in the confusion of the moment. He follows my instructions and the Electric Jet begins banking right toward the Manhattan skyline. I raise the flaps/slats and tell him I have done so...
He asks, "Do you remember the frequency for the four mile turn?"
"I'll tell you when to turn. Watch your altitude; twenty-five hundred is coming up fast."
One of my forever-and-ever-habits-amen is to start the timer when the engines come out of idle for take-off. I do it for fuel burn, but it works for lateral distance, too. The clock is running and my little mental time and distance calculator is building the turn point taking into account acceleration.
Four miles is about here... "OK, turn left heading two nine zero."
Fi-Fi begins banking left. I glance out my side Plexiglas and see that we are still in the departure corridor, more or less. An Instructor Pilot running the simulator and looking at the computer generated ground track would be shaking his head... Sloppy, sloppy, sloppy.
The co-pilot is mentally returning from the aft galley. He says, "I am so sorry. I did that to myself. I messed with the flight plan on the runway." Mystery solved...
"We'll talk about it later."
There is blue sky toward the west and Fi-Fi is heading that way with the vertical speed needle buried at the top of the case.
One hour later...
The line of storms is in our nine o'clock as we head for Tampa. The subject of screwing with the flight plan on the runway has not come up. I have decided not to say anything about it; he knows what he did was a big no no. An Instructor Pilot would be chewing on him for 500 miles, maybe more.
I'll bet he doesn't do it again.
Life on the Line continues...
