Position: At the gate; KSNA (Orange County)
Equipment: A320
Pax-on-Board: Boarding 150... Oversold by four
My co-pilot, just returning from Starbucks with two cups of strong coffee, says, "Hey boss, there is a check pilot at the counter and I think he is getting the jump seat."
"What's he look like?"
"Uhh... You know, the Air Force guy with white hair."
"That's not good."
I thought briefly about cursing, but then remembered I went to church with the wife-of-my-youth last Sunday and one of the topics was foul language. She was poking me in the side during the sermon. I promised her I would work on the cursing threshold, again.
The day had been going so well, flying the Las Vegas-SoCal shuttle three times or six legs. The co-pilot, an ex-MU2 freight dog, is an undoubtedly great pilot to have survived flying the MU2 in night freight service. I was looking forward to hearing a few more of his one engine feathered with a load of ice somewhere over Iowa stories.
27,000 feet... 320 kts IAS (indicated air speed)
No MU2 stories being told... There is a very serious check pilot sitting behind me. My left ear has lost some high frequency hearing from turbine engines, but my right ear is still able to hear the pencil lead scratching on the clipboard, the check pilot's clipboard. This guy has no sense of humor at all. Sort of like the Terminator... No remorse, no pity, can't be reasoned with, that's all he does. He is watching everything, all the while putting check marks in little boxes and writing notes in the margins. Yikes!
Thankfully, the flight between KSNA and KLAS is a ballistic curve: up, down, short, sweet and usually a lot of fun flying a big jet at low altitude/high speed between close cities. A few more miles, and this pilot inspector will move on to the next crew.
Over the outer marker, runway 25 Left, KLAS...
The wind is howling across the runway approaching or equal to the maximum crosswind component allowed by the aircraft limitations. Of course it is, there is a check pilot looking over my shoulder. It could always be worse, though. Number one engine could be on fire with a check pilot looking over my shoulder. I'll take the crosswind...
At 1,000 feet with partial flaps set, gear down and locked, engines spooled to 39%, I call for, "auto-thrust OFF, flight directors OFF, bring up the FPV (flight path vector: it is major cool, basically a digital representation of the energy state of the airframe.)"
I said all of that with one breath; check pilots love this stuff. They are sticklers on proper verbiage per the Pilot Manual.
Surface temperature is around 110 degrees F. with a 31 knot wind out of 300 variable 330 degrees, gusting to 40 kts. A little slice of heaven waiting for us.
Over the fence...
The wind sock is parallel to the ground with sand plumes blowing across the runway giving a perfect visualization of the crosswind angle. Fi-Fi's wings are rocking and rolling as she glides over the threshold at about 50 feet. My right hand is making small thrust lever movements as the indicated airspeed varies by plus or minus ten knots in the wind.
Twenty feet... Thrust levers slowly to idle; left rudder to remove the wind angle from the airframe; right aileron up to lower the right wing slightly.
Hold it... Hold it... Easy baby...
Touchdown on a windswept runway at 140 kts (161 mph), and it is not pretty. The main gear tires deform into an oval shape, then the landing gear rolls over that deformation giving the whole pax cabin a big jolt. A wind gust tries to lift the right wing, but the spoilers rise forcing the wing down. Reverse triggers pulled up and over... #1 MAX REV/ #2 MAX REV. Hold the stick into the wind and nose down, but not too much.
Engines out of reverse at 60 knots, continue to brake to less than 30 knots and take the first high speed turn-off.
At this moment, the only thing that matters in my life and 150 pax lives on my aircraft is following the control tower's last instruction of hold short runway 25 Right.
No talking, joking, bragging, or horse play allowed. For that matter, no thinking about anything other than holding short of the runway. I am like a dog with a bone balanced on it's nose, and that bone is the approaching hold short line.
An MD-88 roars past our intersection, nose gear in the air, but mains still rolling on the runway.
At the gate: KLAS...
Both engine fuel cut-off switches to OFF. Run the shut-down checklist and get ready for a butt chewing.
The check pilot is putting his clipboard and head set into his attache case. He says, "Good flight captain. Ah, there are a couple of things I want to cover."
Uh-oh, here it comes...
"Max taxi speed is 30 kts in a straight line. I saw you exceeding that a couple of times. There is a reason for 30 kts, so slow down."
"OK."
"When you call for a checklist, you are leaving the list off. It is checklist, not check. Taxi checklist, not taxi check. Before take-off checklist, not before take-off check. Got it?"
"Got it."
"I like the way you fly your crosswind landings. Good job. Get this thing on the ground and get with the stopping program."
"Thank you."
"And you," (looking at the co-pilot) "When the captain gives you the controls you are supposed to say, 'my airplane', not 'I got her' or whatever you were saying."
"OK."
"Mmm, I guess that is about it. Good job. I would let my wife fly on your airplane."
Whoa! That is a compliment coming from this guy.
"Thanks."
And just like that, the Line check is over... We did OK.
Neither of us drank much of our KSNA coffee. Too nervous, I guess. I told the co-pilot to get Fi-Fi ready while I make another Starbucks run.
Life on the Line continues...